goodbye, Phillip.

sunday was Phillip's farewell. he is serving in the Moscow West, Russia mission. his talk was exceptional. not one of a pre missionary but that of an RM--the result of 19 years of preparation. it was an emotional day.

wednesday he entered the MTC. his leaving did not become a reality until "Called to Serve" ended and we were asked to say goodbye. we cried. i bawled. he tried not to look us in the eyes, for fear of crying himself. as he walked toward the sign marked, "missionary exit," i wanted to yell, "stop, don't go!" selfish, i know. instead, i stood with the rest of my family and we looked toward the door with tear stained faces. with his exit he took a piece of our hearts. needless to say, i am already counting the fast sundays until he returns.

i don't remember it being this difficult when Michael and Karalee left. maybe because they left together and i knew they had each other? i'm not sure. i do know Phillip has always preferred to spend time with us over his friends. we have spent countless hours on the lake, watching movies, taking road trips, talking, playing speed scrabble, making cookies and laughing as a family. i loved knowing that if i didn't have a Friday night date, Phillip would be at mom and dad's, ready to greet me with one of those Craven boy hugs. yes, over the years he has become one of my closest friends.

so it might just come down to this: as the oldest i am a little protective. i'm having a hard time letting [him] go. afraid that our little family dynamic might be taking another turn, never to be the same again. i know the next two years will not be easy. still, i know he will be okay. we will be okay. i will be okay. and he will be blessed as he serves, just as i was.

phillip, i love you. we already miss your smile, teasing and hugs.